What can I take away from this book? - Start treating others as equals - start thinking in terms of horizontal relationships. - Remind myself each day that my value is not dependent on what I do. I know I’ve something to contribute. Start thinking in terms of how I felt when
Using the past to explain someone’s personality or mindset is a characteristic of Freudian psychology, which is based on etiology or the study of causation. Adlerian psychology, which this book covers, is based on the taleology, which explains things based on their goal or purpose, and thus more forward looking.
Adlerian psychology posits it’s possible for one to change. Psychological conditions such as trauma, inferiority complex, etc. normally attributable in Freudian or etiology-based psychology to past events, in Adlerian psychology are instead attributed to the (subjective) meaning the subject assigns to those events. It also considers interpersonal problems to be at the root for a lot of these conditions. To address this it suggests a framework called life tasks, which are activities each individual must perform. Trauma, etc. are in some ways constructs we create to avoid dealing with those life tasks, and more deeper to deal with the interpersonal relations underlying those tasks. To address issues in interpersonal relations it recommends treating others as equals (“comrades”) in what is referred to as horizontal relationships as opposed to vertical relationships where there’s a hierarchy. Thinking in terms of hierarchy creates a relationship based on expectations.
Life tasks have a dichotomy of self and others. In a given situation one needs to consider what are one’s tasks vs the tasks of the other. An individual must perform one’s tasks without expecting validation or any other form of reciprocity. At the same time one must avoid doing tasks of the other. This “intervention” is what often creates the issues in interpersonal relationships in the first place. A related concept is being able to perform one’s life tasks without fear of being disliked. Someone disliking you is not your task and should have no bearing on what you do.
The philosophy also talks about feeling of community. To be happy, one must feel they’ve something of value they can contribute. This ties in to the horizontal relationships talked abt earlier, but there’s also the sense of belonging in a community. The community referred here is not limited to human society or constructs such as family, schools, etc., but encompass the entire universe, including past and future. To be happy one must first understand that they have an intrinsic value that doesn’t depend on some external measure or goals. It doesn’t even depend on any specific acts one can perform or not. An individual has value just by existing. One needs courage to believe this, and to believe that they don’t recognition/validation from an external entity. This is key to happiness.
Related to Inferiority Complex is the condition of feeling of inferiority. The latter is common to everyone and does not connote a negative condition. It’s the feedback mechanism individuals use to improve oneself. But it’s when we don’t act on that feedback mechanism - e.g. not studying something when we become aware of a gap in some knowledge - and we let it build that can lead to the phenomenon that is inferiority complex’s.
Freedom - the freedom to be disliked.
Adlerian psychology feels like a free market version of philosophy. The individuals and community improve when each contributes their strengths and the whole is better than sum of its parts.